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Paraprosdokian Sentences

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bluegray
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« on: October 13, 2010, 13:27:37 PM »

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.

  • I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
  • We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
  • War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  • Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
  • I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
  • Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."
  • I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... So I said "Implants?"
  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
  • Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  • The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
  • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
  • A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  • Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
  • Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
  • Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
  • There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
  • I always take life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lemon... and a shot of tequila.
  • When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  • You're never too old to learn something stupid.
  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
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GCG
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adele horn
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« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2010, 13:37:37 PM »

i came up with one, but nobody seems to think its funny....

violence doesnt solve anything, but it sure makes you feel better.

(especially when you kick something, and it flies apart satisfactorily)
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Gogtjop
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« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2010, 13:43:21 PM »

Like as in "I still miss my ex wife. But my aim is improving!"

or

Everybody laughed when I said I was going to become a comedian. Well, they aint laughing now!
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Faerie
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« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2010, 13:56:50 PM »

I didnt have a failed marriage, I had a successful divorce
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2010, 15:21:16 PM »

I've had a good time. This wasn't it.
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Lilli
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Lelani Stolp
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2010, 15:32:16 PM »

... good to see you posting again GCG.  Smiley
my brother always says: "I used to be conceited... but now I'm perfect"  Grin
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Brian
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I think therefor I am, I think


« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2010, 16:00:26 PM »

People who emigrate to Australia, increase the IQ levels in both countries.
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2010, 17:08:55 PM »

... good to see you posting again GCG.  Smiley

Sorry but, that post was from october.  Sad
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Lilli
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Lelani Stolp
« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2010, 07:16:36 AM »

... good to see you posting again GCG.  Smiley

Sorry but, that post was from october.  Sad
shit... oops
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Lilli
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Lelani Stolp
« Reply #9 on: December 08, 2010, 09:31:49 AM »

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
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