Future authors to look out for........

[mdg]

Following on from Anacoluthon64s summary of Dan Browns new novel in the Flame wars thread, I thought I'd add these fun examples from aspiring writers.......


1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its   
two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.   
2. His thoughts tumbled around inside his head, making and   
breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling   
Free.   
3. He spoke with the kind of wisdom that can only come from   
experience, like a guy who goes blind because he looked at   
a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in   
it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools   
about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one   
of those boxes with a pinhole in it.   
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he   
was room-temperature Canadian beef.   
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like the sound a   
dog makes just before it throws up.   
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.   
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.   
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disin-   
tegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude   
shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM   
machine.   
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly   
the way a bowling ball wouldn't.   
10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene   
had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation   
in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead   
of 7:30.   
11. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after   
a sneeze.   
12. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers   
raced across the grassy field toward each other like two   
freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m.   
traveling west at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19   
p.m. traveling east at a speed of 35 mph.   
13. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with   
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.   
14. John and Mary had never met. They were like two humming-   
birds who had also never met.   
15. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and   
she was the East River.   
16. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel   
trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted   
shut.   
17. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But   
unlike Phil, this plan just might work.   
18. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get   
from not eating for a while.   
19. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,   
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from   
stepping on a land mine or something.   
20. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he   
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.    

[Kien]

Now I know I've read the 3rd one somewhere before already. Who is the author??? What is the book?