PARAPROSDOKIANS

[Rigil Kent]

PARAPROSDOKIANS...

(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. My desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault.  I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
And mine is...I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
 
 

[Faerie]

I identify strongly with no 14:

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

I will never understand how a man's ego/self-image can override what could clearly be seen in a mirror.

[BoogieMonster]

I will never understand how a man's ego/self-image can override what could clearly be seen in a mirror.

We have no idea why women find us attractive at any stage of our lives, so we just assume we must be sexy.

"I've had a good time! But this wasn't it."

[Faerie]

We have no idea why women find us attractive at any stage of our lives, so we just assume we must be sexy.

Hmm... this is also true... 

[Superman]

Hmm... this is also true... 

I don't buy into this for a minute. 

[Rigil Kent]

I will never understand how a man's ego/self-image can override what could clearly be seen in a mirror.

Everyone knows that mirrors can't be trusted. For goodness sake, they can't even get left and right right!

Rigil

[Faerie]

Hmm... this is also true... 

I don't buy into this for a minute. 

Nope, its true, ever seen a gorgeous supermodel standing next to a Danny Devito clone?  Anyway, I, myself like a wrinkly rugged looking man... I dont do fat though, I do have some standards....

[Superman]

I dont do fat though, I do have some standards....

I once tried to be friends with the Bear community but that was a bad idea. Everybody started thinking I was actually into Bears. I had to cut my losses quickly and hope nobody mentions it ever again.

I have standards but they are far tooo high so I settle for being single.

[st0nes]

I dont do fat though, I do have some standards....

I once tried to be friends with the Bear community but that was a bad idea. Everybody started thinking I was actually into Bears. I had to cut my losses quickly and hope nobody mentions it ever again.

I have standards but they are far tooo high so I settle for being single.

Bears?  They have a community?  What species of bears are these?

[Faerie]

I dont do fat though, I do have some standards....

I once tried to be friends with the Bear community but that was a bad idea. Everybody started thinking I was actually into Bears. I had to cut my losses quickly and hope nobody mentions it ever again.

I have standards but they are far tooo high so I settle for being single.

Bears?  They have a community?  What species of bears are these?

Teddy bears, care bears? I'm also curious... 

[Mefiante]

Grisly Kodak bears.

'Luthon64

[Superman]

Grisly Kodak bears.

'Luthon64

So True!

[Mefiante]

Bears?  They have a community?  What species of bears are these?

This should clear up any lingering confusion.

'Luthon64

[Superman]

I would have gone with something like this:



But I did not know that there was any confusion. I just though you all where kidding around since you all seem very knowledgeable about most subjects.

[Rigil Kent]

Bears?  They have a community?  What species of bears are these?

This should clear up any lingering confusion.

'Luthon64

Oh great - now I have to clear my browsing history AGAIN! 

R.