South Africa Flag logo

South African Skeptics

December 15, 2019, 22:35:02 PM
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
Go to mobile page.
News: Please read the posting guidelines before posting.
   
   Skeptic Forum Board Index   Help Forum Rules Search GoogleTagged Login Register Chat Blogroll  
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic:

Punography

 (Read 3704 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Rigil Kent
Clotting Factor
Hero Member
*****

Skeptical ability: +19/-3
Offline Offline

Posts: 2467


Three men make a tiger.


« on: May 06, 2012, 09:29:46 AM »

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Velcro — what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
Logged
BoogieMonster
NP complete
Hero Member
*****

Skeptical ability: +19/-1
Offline Offline

Posts: 3128



« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2012, 19:18:45 PM »

I'm a long time pun lover, Nice list!

How do you make a cleenex dance? Put a little boogie into it!
Logged
Rigil Kent
Clotting Factor
Hero Member
*****

Skeptical ability: +19/-3
Offline Offline

Posts: 2467


Three men make a tiger.


« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2012, 19:29:02 PM »

An attractive lady walked into a pub and asked the bar tender for a double entendre. So he gave her one.
Logged
Faerie
Hero Member
*****

Skeptical ability: +10/-2
Offline Offline

Posts: 2114



« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2012, 07:35:58 AM »

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

I wanted a car but I couldnt a ford one.

The origami classes saw stationery costs increase twofold.

I was reading a book on anti gravity, I just could not put that book down.

Did you hear of the football coach trained a chicken to fly? He ended up having personal foul for excessive aviation.

Having too many vowels is a consonant struggle in the game of scrabble.

Logged
Tweefo
Hero Member
*****

Skeptical ability: +10/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 1551



WWW
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2012, 10:20:15 AM »

I went to a general store but they would not sell me anything spesific.
Logged
BoogieMonster
NP complete
Hero Member
*****

Skeptical ability: +19/-1
Offline Offline

Posts: 3128



« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2012, 11:12:12 AM »

Boogie salutes: "General Store".
Logged
Rigil Kent
Clotting Factor
Hero Member
*****

Skeptical ability: +19/-3
Offline Offline

Posts: 2467


Three men make a tiger.


« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2012, 19:41:29 PM »


The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
 
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
 
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a  coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!
 
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
 
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
 
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
 
I was driving this morning when I saw an RACV van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
 
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
 
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.
 
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."
“Forget that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
 
Man calls 000 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!"
 
I saw a poor old lady fall over today!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
 
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
 
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.
 
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not listening.
 
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
 
The wife was counting all the 5c's and 10c's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."
 
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkas saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexist pigs. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloomin thing.
 
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the village in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
 
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
 
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their picks nicked.
 
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
 
Wife by text to husband at work; "Windows at home frozen - what should I do?"
Husband - "spray some de-icer or pour hot water on them"
Wife a few minutes later - "Done that - now computer won't work at all"!
Logged
The Vulcan
Shipmate
Full Member
***

Skeptical ability: +3/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 230



WWW
« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2012, 16:32:45 PM »

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you

There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'

Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  


 
Jump to:  

Powered by SMF 1.1.11 | SMF © 2006-2009, Simple Machines LLC
Page created in 0.351 seconds with 24 sceptic queries.
Google visited last this page May 30, 2019, 14:17:08 PM
Privacy Policy