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Puns

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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #45 on: June 04, 2017, 14:57:40 PM »

I asked a North Korean how he was doing, he said he can't complain.

I've decided to sell my vacuum cleaner: It's just collecting dust.

Never let an extra chromosome get you down.

I once went to a zoo, but it only had one dog; was a shih-tzu.

Velcro is a rip-off.

I left my ex when I found out she'd been filming bukkake videos and posting them online. She tried to tell me it wasn't true but I could see it in her eyes.

I called the tinnitus hotline today, but it just kept ringing.

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his cousin in the jungle?
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #46 on: June 12, 2017, 11:05:57 AM »

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brianvds
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« Reply #47 on: June 12, 2017, 14:25:42 PM »



Surely this was staged... :-)
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #48 on: June 12, 2017, 14:47:49 PM »

I will reveal the answer to you now...
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brianvds
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« Reply #49 on: July 11, 2017, 08:03:02 AM »

Q: What do you call a Bible for blind people?
A: The Holy Braille.
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #50 on: July 14, 2017, 09:56:25 AM »

Transcribed because FB images disappear after a while...

Party mense ruik na sweet, want spuit kom altyd te laat.

Danksy 'n rug besering kan ek nie meer films maak nie, my regisseur.

Ek was lank in die boubedryf, maar toe ontwikkel ek 'n kompleks en verloor die plot.

Ek het oor 'n boks cornflakes gery, nou't ek 'n pap wiel.

Ons tuisnywerheid is beroof, van al die misdade vat hierdie een die koek.

As jy te veel paashase eet kry jy Lindt wurms.

Almal kla ek ry te stadig, dis dalk tyd dat ek my voet neersit.

Tandheelkundige: Dis nogal 'n mond vol.

Ek haat dans met 'n passie.

Mense wat tydskrifte versamel het baie issues.
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #51 on: July 14, 2017, 16:19:36 PM »

A classic: a stream of puns so over the top Anderson Cooper cracked up on air.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MumI6KovUk
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #52 on: August 03, 2017, 13:00:36 PM »

Someone was shot with the starting pistol at an athletics competition; The police suspect it could be race related.
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #53 on: December 05, 2017, 14:28:10 PM »

With great reflexes, comes great response ability
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #54 on: January 29, 2018, 10:13:26 AM »

Why do foot fetishists never win?

They love the taste of defeat.
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brianvds
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« Reply #55 on: January 29, 2018, 11:28:36 AM »

I think I'm going to steal those last two... :-)
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #56 on: January 31, 2018, 17:48:21 PM »

Kim Jong Un is a heartless dictator because he has no Seoul.

A guy in North Korea kept forgetting to study so they sent him to a concentration camp. Now he gets high marx.

At least the swiss can say that their flag is a big plus.

I've read a lot about Japanese sword-fighting, but I'll Samurais it for you.

England may not have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

(I think I kill many kittens daily)
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #57 on: February 07, 2018, 17:14:12 PM »

The police arrested the world's tongue twister champion: He was given a tough sentence.
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Spike
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« Reply #58 on: February 14, 2018, 10:27:19 AM »

Elon Musk discussing Falcon heavy & competition from United Launch Alliance https://arstechnica.com/science/2018/02/elon-musk-i-will-eat-my-hat-if-a-competitors-rocket-flies-before-2023/?comments=1&start=40

ELON MUSK: Maybe that plan works out, but I will seriously eat my hat with a side of mustard if that rocket flies a national security spacecraft before 2023

Comments run amok:

    I’m sure Bruno (competitor) relishes the opportunity.
    Relish does go well with mustard.
    Well, seeing as how ULA is stuck playing ketchup, it's pretty easy to see them being in a pickle
    That's just cheesy. Lettuce move on
    You should go easy over adding more puns to the comments.
    What do you expect me to do, sit on my buns all day? Besides, you have to admit: that pun was a Whopper™.
    Please pretzel some proof that you're not crazy.
    I was providing proof I am crazy. However, even if I didn't, I'd confirm it either way. As we all know: the proof is in the pudding.
    I realize that and you managed to hash it up too.
    Great article, although all these food puns will take a while to digest...[/li]

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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #59 on: February 27, 2018, 12:56:37 PM »

Time flies like a bird, fruit flies like a banana.
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