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Author Topic:

Puns

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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #60 on: March 08, 2018, 14:16:17 PM »

I slept with a species from another Genus... No Homo.
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brianvds
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WWW
« Reply #61 on: March 09, 2018, 04:21:33 AM »

What do you call a snake that is approximately 3.141592 meters long?

- A πthon.
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #62 on: March 09, 2018, 10:45:49 AM »

Well, I got mixed reviews last time so... proceed with caution.

(click to show/hide)
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #63 on: March 20, 2018, 09:46:02 AM »

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Rigil Kent
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Three men make a tiger.


« Reply #64 on: March 22, 2018, 11:08:43 AM »

Mr Bear applies for a job as a cleaner at a pub, and is interviewed inside the establishment.

Publican: What's you name, son?

Mr Bear: I am Mr Bear. Grrrrrrr!

With that, Mr Bear bends down, takes a huge bite out of the counter, chews it up and swallows loudly.

Publican: And where do you stay?

Mr Bear: I live in the woods. Grrrr!

Publican: Do you have any cleaning experience?

Mr Bear: Yes, certainly. I worked at the carwash.

Publican: Do you have a criminal record?

Mr Bear: Of course not! Grrrr!

Publican: And do you abuse drugs, Mr Bear?

Mr Bear: Never have, never will.

Publican: Then ... what about the barbiturate?
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #65 on: March 23, 2018, 11:19:55 AM »

A man is sitting in an interrogation room and says:
"I'm not saying anything without my lawyer present!"
Cop: "You are a lawyer"
Lawyer: "Exactly, where's my present?"
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Rigil Kent
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Three men make a tiger.


« Reply #66 on: March 23, 2018, 11:28:14 AM »

Master of the paraprosdokian.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Knw1xPM1CS0
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #67 on: March 23, 2018, 11:33:11 AM »

Steven Wright is likewise.
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #68 on: March 26, 2018, 13:18:12 PM »

I used to be into BDSM, bestiality and Necrophilia, but then I noticed I'm beating a dead horse.

Edit (bonus): You can't run through a campsite. You can only "ran" because it's past tents.
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Rigil Kent
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« Reply #69 on: March 28, 2018, 19:43:38 PM »

Not really a pun, but since we're talking about that sort of thing, here is a quote that I enjoyed some years ago.

I prefer my lovers to be female, human and alive. But in a pinch any two out of three will do.
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #70 on: April 10, 2018, 14:59:10 PM »

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #71 on: April 13, 2018, 09:56:00 AM »

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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #72 on: April 13, 2018, 10:49:31 AM »

Two old ladies are sitting in a park when a man in a trench coat suddenly runs up and flashes them.
One had a stroke. The other couldn't reach.
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #73 on: April 18, 2018, 10:25:57 AM »

A lesbian couple gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I said I wanna watch.
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #74 on: June 07, 2018, 13:43:19 PM »

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