man-speak translation pls

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GCG (January 13, 2011, 15:24:12 PM):
most of you on here have known me for a while, and some of you have met me in the flesh (poor you), and have seen my other half.

so, since my other half and i have been together for 8 months, well, on and off for over a year.

so we had a hissy fit the other day. and i says to him, that he is messing me around, coz he still doesnt love me, and i reconed that, if after a few months, the feeling wasnt there, then he should have let me know, then i could have called it a day before too much investment was made.

so he says then, that we should rather be friend then, coz he just doesnt feel in love.

so, now, man-dudes. wtf.

in my experience, i have allways been in love from the get-go with my partner. is there any other kind of love than the madly in love kind?

is my inexperience shooting me in the foot here?
Brian (January 13, 2011, 16:09:38 PM):
I don't think it's inexperience GCG maybe naivity or the expectation that because you feel a certain way so would he. Some pseudo-psychologist crap I read once said that a woman will sleep with a man for (or the expectation of) love while a man will state he loves a woman to sleep with her ???
Feel love? I don't know what that is. From a man's perspective it normally starts with lust and if a relationship develops could result in mutual respect,comradeship,sharing, etc. The love I have for example for my children is totally different to what I feel for my wife.
If one is 'in-love' can that also become 'out-of-love'? I told my wife of 41 years some time ago that I am not 'in love' with her, mainly because I don't understand what being 'in-love' really means...she was not a happy camper! We're still married though.
Jisses so I'm just complicating things for you. (wtf!!)
GCG (January 13, 2011, 17:06:41 PM):
the thing about being in love, for me anyhow, is being completely bezotted with that person, not being able to envision a day without them. poetry, picnics, signs in the sky type things.
i guess that's what one would call love at first sight. or sheer stupidity. who knows. my logical mind tells me, that a relationship that builds gradually, have a greater chance of surviving in the long run. my heart, on the other hand, feels very much hurt that im not good enough to be in love with. just fuells every insecurity into a flaming freak-out.
whereas my poetry has previously had them gagga, he just goes 'meh'. we dont have 'a song'. he is nonplussed about being in australia for our first valentine's day. whether we celebrate our annerversary is 'meh'.
and yet, he is super affectionate, and we have an epic jol together.
he's confusing the shite out of me
BoogieMonster (January 13, 2011, 17:12:09 PM):
I feel love, but in my case it's kept in check with a healthy degree of rational thinking.... I am not the norm, and I know it.

MY experience is that love (for me) doesn't happen overnight or "from the get go". It took me a while to confess my love for my current girl, but I wanted it to be true when I said it. And it was, and is. Of course, I'm not immune to the "initial infatuation" phase where the other person is just the coolest most awesomest person you ever met, it gives you those butterflies and heart palpitations... and other base instincts kick in too... but my rational side takes over and says: "Ok dude, that's just hormones (it is), keep at it and see if it becomes true love". To me love is a heavy term, not to be just thrown about willy-nilly, you have to get over the hump of being blind to that person's faults and get to the point where you see their faults, but that's still OK.

It's "take a bullet for that person" kinda stuff. BUT, you need initial infatuation and atleast some degree of interest to stick it out long enough to find out if you're going to really love that person. And IMHO this takes a different amount of time for different people. Look at it like this: He was at least "in love" enough to be willing to sacrifice the time and energy to try.

At least he doesn't string you along by confessing his love shallowly in order to keep you around for sex. Some men will actually do that, and it is not fair to waste another person's time like that if you don't think it's going anywhere anymore.

To me, what I define as love is more total comfort, understanding, and long-term bonding than wild feelings. Wild feelings, to me, are fleeting and fickle ... but you can't help it always.. in the end I find love defies logic and applying logic too rigorously almost always leads to more problems than it solves.
BoogieMonster (January 13, 2011, 17:15:04 PM):
Reply to your second post: To me it sounds like he's very happy to be with you, but not a "romantic". This is probably a part of his personality that you can't change. Not everyone thinks partnership is all serenades and poetry. I'm one of them.

BUT, I do realise my girl "needs" some attention, affection, and flowers every now and then. I guess the litmus is whether he's willing to pull the stops even though he doesn't feel like it, because he realises that you do.


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