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so whose fault is it anyway

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GCG
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« on: June 06, 2011, 10:47:18 AM »

i spent saturday morning cruising the town with the chick who i share the property with.  she hada mate with her.  the okie is 28, but lives in a home for the disabled.  he had a massive motor-bike accident when he was 16, and basically had his head crushed.  he can communicate fair enough, but will propably never be a functioning part of society.
now, i fail to feel any sympathy for this guy.  as opposed to a bloke who was born disabled.  he took himself out on the bike by racing his friends and being recless.  it wasn't like he was sideswiped by some taxi driver.  and, at 16, he shouldn't have been on a high-powered bike in any case.
his mom is very irritable with him, and i can feel sympathy for her.  and people are judging her for not visiting him all the time, and taking care of him in her home 24/7.
surely, having your life taken apart by a child who wipes himself out, must be helluva traumatic.  not only for the fear for your child's  life, then having to re-assess your own life and dreams because your are stuck with an adult child untill you die.
and i find myself wondering, if one of my pets were so severely hurt, i would have it put down, nto from a viewpoint of having to look after the disabled animal, but from a quality of life perspective. 
this guy, he knows he's disabled.  and he knows he used to be 'normal'.  he cant walk properly, his memory is shot,  half of his head is literally caved in,  his social skills are ragged. 
if i was religious, then i would say, he was 'spared' for a reason.  what reason would that be?  to be a finincial and emotional drain on his family untill he dies?  to sit in a home for the rest of his life? 
who is to blame for his accident?  god?  his parents for not teaching him to be responseable?  his buddies for encourageing him? 
in my mind:  himself.  he has put this upon himself.  he knowingly got on his bike, and rode the shit out of it.  and it 16, you should know what you are getting yourself into.
he has broken up his parents marriage (the stress of the accident tore them apart),  he has ruined not only his life, but his parents as well.  he is a load in his family financially.
i dont feel sorry for this guy.
am i a horrible person?
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Faerie
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« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2011, 11:09:08 AM »

Nah, you're not a horrible person.

I'm pro-choice, and I'm all for euthenasia, too many homes full of adults pissing in nappies and trying to feel nurses up because of instinct for me not to be.

As for your friend... well, IMO, at 16 you know bat-shit and you have no concept of death and your own mortality, I see this in both my own kids and can remember it well enough from my own reckless youth.  IMO, who supplied him with that bike? MOM??? So why should I feel for her?  I also dont feel you can blame the kid for the break-up of the marriage, if the relationship couldnt deal with it, its nothing on the kid and what happened to him.

Laying blame is a futile exercise in most instances, it happened, you cant change it, so all that remains is to try and fix the scenario best you can and make peace with it.

Its sad though...
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BoogieMonster
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« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2011, 11:32:45 AM »

I knew a guy who lost his life at 18 in a bike accident. He was a total dick, and I don't feel the world is poorer without him, that's just the truth of it.

If that makes me a horrible person then I'm a very horrible person, but he was obviously badly raised and his arrogant asshole attitude was surely one of the nails in his coffin. Another was his parents' decision to buy him a bike in the first place (spoilt rotten I tell you).

Yeah, I did NOT like this individual in life and I'm not about to turn around and sing his praises in death. He was an asshole, but he died. That doesn't change the fact that he was an asshole.

As for putting down people who are incapacitated, I guess I'd have to make a judgement call, but it's subtle... I know people who were perhaps a burden on those around them, but still could live in love and happiness, could still find reasons to smile, and could lift the spirits of those around them.... and I'm happy for them.

The thing with calling a death sentence on a person (or that person on themselves) is, you don't know if things may improve for them in the future. You just don't.
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Brian
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« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2011, 11:42:19 AM »

I tend to agree with Faerie; allocating blame is a fruitless exercise and shit happens to all of us. The lightie at 16 had no intention to do himself in; the religious nuts would say that the sins of the parents will be visited on the children...FFS! or even worse: "There but for the grace of God, go I!".
Last week 7 young students were at a party here in Durbs and drove their BM into a tree, killing 6 outright...only the driver survived! car was overloaded, too much to drink etc etc. Maybe it's just as well that parents mostly don't know what their kids get up to!  
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